To preface, I don't really label myself as a "yumejoshi". Sure I express myself in ways and create content that could fall under yumejoshi mannerisms, I'm not really comfortable calling myself a yumejoshi by itself since I was always a fujoshi first and foremost. For as long as I can remember there's been a schism between the two groups in online spaces and personally I have no input regarding that.... mess, but I can certainly understand why each side has their preferences and opinions. That being said, a lot of my fujo habits crossed into my yume consumption; I don't mind if my oshi is shipped with other characters, however I am quite picky with stuff like positions which becomes a bit problematic in yumejo spaces since most yumes want to be fucked by their oshi. I should also put it forward that I have a strong aversion to phalluses outside of a yaoi context and I want absolutely nothing to do with it. If my oshi is within proximity of me and their natal sex is male, their nether regions are "platonic vibes" or a vagina. No exceptions. Unless they're in yaoi and I'm 50ft away with binoculars, then they can have the phallus back, though most of the time (if not all the time) it's useless and only there for decoration anyways haha.
There's also the element of self-insertion that I've always been reluctant to dabble in for as long as I have been a fangirl: I've always been an oc enthusiast who preferred to create or read the stories of characters with lives outside of my own— this definitely came from a source of insecurity for me, especially as a brown woman who usually sees self-insert content depicted as women that didn't look like me at all. I wont get too deep into my childhood woes since that's an entirely different can of worms, but bottom line is that I didn't create or consume content with the intention of projecting myself on it until I played a game that had an element of character customization alongside one of my beloved oshis of all time. That game is Final Fantasy XIV (with a free trial of up to lvl 70 btw unlimited play time) and I will certainly get into more detail on how that kickstarted my introduction to true self-shipping in a later segment. Before that I was usually content with admiring the few fictional crushes I had from afar, or would ship them with other characters. Most of these crushes were predominantly women so I guess I could consider myself a bit of a waifuist— I'm certainly lucky that my preference for female characters are usually ditzy, cute, and tomboyish types, which come in surplus in most media. I also love bad ass women, women covered in blood, women that can wreck your shit (think of all the ladies in black lagoon whew).
With my newfound acceptance towards self-inserting, I have allowed myself the fantasy of creating characters that show up in the world of some of my crushes. Actual self-insertion of me in the flesh has a long way to go.... though I don't imagine I would get around to it anytime soon since I'm a rather boring and normal person and I find it infinitely more fun to imagine an ideal version of myself or someone vaguely inspired by me courting my crush!
With that out of the way, let's get into some of my fictional beloveds!
[A DARK PRISON OF PASSION WITH NO ESCAPE!!]
Meteor from Final Fantasy XIV:
Where do I even begin with this. This is ground zero to my complete plunge within the depths of yumejoshism.
Meteor, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Me-tee-or.
Funnily enough, he doesn't actually "exist" as a character in-game, he's merely a placeholder for the player's character in promotional content— basically a "poster-boy" of a generic heroic figure. In fact he's not even actually named Meteor! It's a nickname based off his initial alias "Meteor Survivor" that the fandom dubbed for him. I find it really cute that in JP he's called ヒロシ/Hiroshi, which is a pun based on the word "Hero". Otherwise in canon he's merely referred to as "The Warrior of Light" or "Final Fantasyxiv". Some of his other fandom appointed nicknames are "Derplander" and "John Finalfantasy" which I find very funny and cute lmao.
Initially I didn't register my interest in him as "romantic affection". As always, fanart and shipping were my first impressions of the game, and I was piqued by the prospect of sending a bright-eyed warrior through the torment nexus. But alas! I wasn't able to play as Meteor himself since his model had a unique face that wasn't available in character customization at the time. Reluctantly, I opted for a random OC instead. Her name is Nova, a female Highlander of Ala Mhigan descent and she coincidentally ended up looking like a highly idealized version of me—tall, beautiful, big boobed, and stoic. In fact she's too beautiful I ended up feeling bad every time I'd say something OOC or ridiculous when I'd play as her. Eventually I made a self-insert alt that spiritually embodied me more (dunesfolk lalafell of course) and rewrote Nova to be a standalone character completely separate from me. Is my new and improved self-insert alt the one that courts Meteor now? Absolutely not! In fact he doesn't even exist in that universe and if he did the world would end!
My devotion for Meteor still manifests in Nova, and her whole overarching story revolves around him.
I love him. I love him. And god I want to kill him.
If his selflessness turns into a martyr complex, he'll die!
If he's kind, loving, and compassionate to anyone else, he'll die!!
If he uses his phallus in any capacity, I'll seriously legitimately kill him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
..HAH fat chance that I would be actually capable of landing a single hit on a seasoned warrior, if anything the most I could do is pray for the downfall of the game so he dies alongside the shutdown of the servers. And while my violent urges sound like they're violent just for sadism's sake, the wonderful thing about the FFXIV universe is that he can come back. I can reunite with him again and again, and see him die again and again. Hell, in my OC's story, she never kills or "intentionally" harms Meteor with malicious intent. She's doing it out of love. She's doing it to force him by her side. She's doing it because she knows he's selfless enough to sacrifice himself to keep her out of harm's way. She is doing it because she loves Meteor.
Because I love Meteor.
But Meteor will not, and should not love me back.
And I am content with it being this way.
For one, the big draws towards Meteor is that his character takes place in a fantasy land with magic and dragons. If he were to suddenly be plopped in the real world... Well there's not much for him to do aside from being a bum that takes side hustles, which isn't as chivalrous and impressive as being a hero. (But now I'm laughing at the visual of Meteor working as an uber eats driver.... and also incredibly squicked at the same time EWW)
There's also the big elephant in the room and that is Meteor looking undeniably and incredibly male, and also incredibly walled. The facial stubble and rough appearance is an eroi factor for ryona yaoi fantasies, but for actual physical attraction? I'll pass and leave him for the mobs to abuse and sodomize haha.....
It's the circumstances and gravity of his role in the story juxtaposed with his incredibly plain and generic appearance that really activate my almonds, and a lot of that gets lost when you take him out from the world he's from.
So I guess I don't actually love him after all. I love the concept of him, so the least I could do is let him do his own thing without any obligations of catering to me as a person if I wouldn't do the same for him.
And I'm fine with that, he's a radiant star that would shine long after the star itself has died out.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ISN'T DEAD, MY OBSESSION OVER HIM!! CAN'T WAIT TO RUN METEOR A SHOWER, POUR OIL ON THE FLOOR, AND BEAT HIM WITH A BELT!!!!!
But what about my sort-of-self-insert OC? How does her story conclude? Does she get penance for nuking worlds just so she could be with her beloved? Kind of. It's a long story but basically she gets put into rehab by a God who found out she was probably partially responsible for causing all of the world rending calamities afflicting the star. She gets put into a body that allows her to feel compassion, regret, actual human emotions .etc .etc and learns to live without yearning for soul reunion with her literal soulmate and creator. Meteor sort of exists in that universe, he's the real warrior of light, but because of the obsessive world-ending splinter residing within Nova he had to be put in a stasis so Nova can learn to be normal LMAO. Nova's story ends in the expansion Endwalker (pun intended) and without any spoilers, she was able to return Meteor back to the source and respect his autonomy as a human different from the original manifestation that she revered and was born from. She becomes incorporeal and travels the cosmos with a certain star bird, but she sometimes drops by to aid Meteor back in the source should he request her assistance. So yes, she got her happy ending! Having her return to the source to interact with Meteor occasionally was a recent development since I originally intended for her to re-fuse back into Meteor's essence or have her leave to traverse the outer stars forever, but I'll allow myself the fantasy of being able to stay with the one I love, even just as friends or an adventuring companion.
The Great Papyrus from UNDERTALE:
If you know, you know.
[Romantic Musing!]
Kobayashi from Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid:
Yes I know.... the source material.... But Miss Kobayashi herself?
Tomboyish ✔
Flat-chested ✔
Dead fish eyes ✔
Glasses ✔
Blunt and cool, yet kind-hearted ✔
SHE HITS SO SO MANY SPOTS IN MY WAIFU MEGA DING CHART HOW COULD I NOT FALL FOR HER??!! The anime itself isn't too bad and can be actually quite cute when you ignore the weird fan service (I mean this pretty much applies to all anime) and the show is carried hard by kyoani's wonderful animation. I would probably make for a terrible maid since I'm lazy, clumsy, and selfish, but if I put my mind to it (and if I have a pretty lady ordering me around) I could probably lock in and do the dishes twice. Consecutively!!!! I would probably clash with Tohru a lot as we fight for Kobayashi's affection, if my self-insert was also a dragon in this universe she'd probably get bodied hard by Tohru in an actual one-on-one fight.. but Kobayashi intervenes and tells us to quit fighting over trivial things. (Our unending love is not trivial excuse me!!!!!) We eventually settle down anyways and form a truce for the sake of Kobayashi's sake. Love and peace on planet earth!!
Ebisu from Dorohedoro:
GAHHHHHHH SHE IS SO SO INSANELY CUTE!! I love her both pre-lobotomy and post.. whatever else happens to her, because my god she goes through a lot!! (From the top of my head, her face has been torn off, she has been bitten by a zombie and subsequently zombified, her head sliced in half.etc)
Her actual backstory is pretty mysterious, and she's implied to be very affluent and well-known in the underworld. Before she was picked up by En and co, she made a living through the black market, selling her magic smoke that "turns you into a super badass lizard". She's also pretty young which makes you wonder how she managed to get by with such shady connections until her never-ending suffering nexus during the events of the manga.
Because of her brain getting scrambled due to frequent injury and healing, she has become quite the charming dimwit who gets into silly and provocative scenarios!
I love how she gets to goof around and hang out with some of the most powerful magic users in the series and is even considered an honorary family member of said powerful magic users! I also find it so incredibly charming how despite all the comedically morbid misfortunes that Ebisu finds herself into she somehow springs back and becomes a pivotal part of dorohedoro's overarching plot, whether it be accidental.. coincidental.... or you know, anything other than intentional thats for sure LMAO! As sad and awful some of the situations she gets in are, they are all undeniably really really funny and I would imagine I'd get into equally as bad scenarios if I were in the world of dorohedoro (presuming I'm not killed off immediately 5 seconds into the first chapter LOL) I can't decide if I want to wrangle Ebisu or join her in her shenanigans to the chagrin of Fujita. Ahhh shes so cute.... I'd love to drag her around throughout the magic world and eat lots of tasty food and shop for cute clothes and also run away from shady underworld connections chasing us down when they recognize Ebisu. I just want to dote and spoil her after all she's gone through in the manga!!
Yuuko Aioi from Nichijou:
She's so so silly and cute ahhh.... One of my favourite traits about her is the juxtaposition between her typical girly school uniform and the androgynous clothes she wears casually. I love her laid-back and comedic personality and the hijinks she gets into throughout the show never fails to make me smile. We're pretty much two peas in a pod! We're both lazy, scatterbrained, and comedically inclined. We'd probably end up making some grand plans towards becoming a comedy duo in the far off future.... I think she would appreciate someone who laughs at her jokes— as stupid and annoying they may be to others. (but certainly not me!)
Nichijou is one of my favourite animes of all time, though I've yet to read the manga which I hope to get around to someday! I can't get enough of Yuuko and I look forward to seeing her in the manga!
Genderbent Laios Touden from Dungeon Meshi:
I bring up the genderbend variation specifically because although canon Laios would be rather cute as a woman, I am intrigued by Ryoko Kui's interpretation of genderbending in which the character's whole story changes based on societal expectations.
Genderbend Laios has the unfortunate fate of remaining in her hometown as a housewife, staying behind to rear a child unlike her male counterpart who went off to adventure in the dungeons. I wonder if Laios in this timeline still keeps her fascination for monsters— did she ever wish for an onslaught of monsters to attack her village to spare her from her predestined fate? Although her personality is hard to interpret based on the single panel, would her personality be more stoic and reserved compared to male Laios? It would be incredibly cute if she still gets excited over monsters and info dumps facts about the monster dungeon gourmet guide despite supposedly giving up that childish dream ages ago. It would especially be enchanting to see her as the Dungeon Lord and her corresponding ultimate chimera monster form. Wait. Imagine genderbent demon queen Laios?????? HNFFFGGGHHHHHHHHH......
Anyways.. there was a fancomic I read a long time ago that I've long lost the source of (regrettably a lot of genderbent Laios artists love to DFE!!) that chronicled a what-if scenario of Laios being freed of her marital duties after her husband and child tragically died in a hunting accident involving a monster. She took this opportunity to escape her hometown and track down Falin at the magical academy. I don't remember much beyond that, but there was a panel of her smiling after receiving the news regarding her husband and child, and her face was incredibly haunting yet beautiful. I wish I could find that comic again someday....
Hyuna from Alien Stage:
Don't even talk to me. Don't even talk to me about wiege. I am not over it btw.
Or actually do talk about how fucking sexy and hot Hyuna is, even if I'm still not over it. All of her MVs and corresponding songs are my favourites and yes, did you know I'm still not over wiege????
[Sneaky Links]
Henry Townshend from Silent hill 4:
I haven't finished his game, but had they thrown him in a sexy nurse outfit with jiggle physics I would be more compelled to do so. I dunno how this infatuation came to be, he is rather underdeveloped and generic compared to other Silent Hill protagonists, but I guess it's the lack thereof that makes him quite charming. He's only experiencing the events of his game due to an unfortunate coincidence, and is otherwise unrelated to the weird cult shenanigans that the previous Silent Hill protagonists were deeply entwined in. Basically he's just some guy! He's said to be rather asocial, introverted, and a calm young man who "never lets his feelings show". Despite this, he is polite and empathetic; doing his best to comfort the other victims despite his social ineptitude. I found it incredibly cute when a sexual innuendo flew completely over his head. Oh and he also he likes choccy milk. That is fucking moe. I've mostly been procrastinating on completing his game due to my incomplete Silent Hill 3 save file that I'm reluctant to finish— not that the game is bad! In fact, it's one of the scariest games in the whole series!! However my file is in a predicament where I am at the final boss with half health and 2 healing supplies. I can technically cheese the fight, but that would require locking in and ensuring little to no hits due to my low health and meagre resources. I'm also not too eager to restart the file entirely since the entire hospital segment in SH3 has to be one of the most horrifying and terrible video game experiences in my life. Thousand lashes to whoever implemented the fucking slurpers. Not only are they horrifying to look at, they are an absolute nightmare to deal with in hard mode.
Back to Henry Townshend, I made a little ghost girl oc to accompany (and haunt) him during the events of SH4. Her name is Wendy Kubrick and she fills in the role as one of the sacrament victims, 05/21. Technically 05/21 is supposed to be some rando old man who managed the sports store, but canon be damned, he doesn't show up in-game and the timing of his death lines up nicely with what I have in plan for Wendy.
Basically her whole deal is that she was a lonely outcast student who was bullied by her peers. Her only friend was a stray dog in an alleyway that she would stop by and feed. She was caught up in the midst of Walter's massacre when she accidentally stumbled across the murder of Steve Garland during her routine trips to the pet store. Due to the lack of ammunition in his submachine gun, Walter took to executing her with a spare box cutter he picked up on the storefront desk and initiated the ten hearts ritual onto Wendy. Initially she wanders around as a sad weepy ghost and isn't malevolent to Henry when he first comes across her. Henry unknowingly lets her stay in his apartment room, unaware that she is causing the frequent hauntings due to her presence. She definitely becomes a bit more scary and possessive as the game progresses, especially against child Walter, but she is friendly and complaisant towards Eileen. I haven't played far enough to decide what her overall fate should be, but I'm sure I'll come up with different scenarios to match the multiple endings that are common in silent hill games.
Raihan from Pokemon:
(Dreamy sigh) I know sword and shield gets a lot of slack from the Pokemon community for being a lack-luster game, and the game itself was pretty jank when I played it! But man.. they delivered with the character design!! Each and every one is incredibly memorable and diverse!!!!! Emphasis on diverse!! I was ecstatic to see so many characters with brown skin, especially brown women, which was once incredibly hard to come by in media. I was especially delighted by the character customization and enjoyed being able to change my character to look more like me. Unfortunately I misplaced my switch which means I lost all the corresponding photos and data, but my fond memories of SWSH being my first ever completed pokemon game remains, as jank and flawed as it was.
Now as for Raihan.. originally he was my designated buttslut to pass around with other characters in game (he's asking for it, I mean look at him.....) but when an influx of fanworks depicting him as a sleazy fuckboy that bangs all the chicks began to rise, I was absolutely infuriated and spiteful!! So I altered my poketagonist to be someone that ensures he stays the buttslut he is destined and made to be. You cannot change my mind on this. He is a slut. That is all there is to it.
Athena from Final Fantasy XIV:
Honestly, I want to bang her entire family. But I especially want to bang Athena. She would 10000% fuck and dump me to forward her own goals and I would thank her for it. Originally I was neutral on her at first, she was a cool character, but the way she unravelled and became a frenzied tentacle monster during her 2nd phase savage fight activated something in me. Unfortunately I didn't have voice lines toggled on during prog, but rewatching footage of the fight and hearing her batshit psycho voice brings butterflies to my stomach. Ahh.... shes so fucking crazy...... Her ingame fight and its savage variant have to be one of my favourite instances in all of FFXIV. The concept, character and stage design, OST, mechanics and sfx are all incredibly top notch and wonderful. I could gush endlessly about the genius of her 2nd phase mechanics being named after debunked scientific theories, which tie to her motives toward achieving false godhood.
[Tertiary Hell]
Ibaraki Douji from FATE Grand Order:
The lowest I have ever gotten for a waifu.... Playing a gacha mobage and almost paying for gacha currency just to roll on her summer banner despite barely starting the game.....
Keyword: almost. Star quartz are so insanely expensive for how little you get, and that's not considering that I'm not even guaranteed to get my oshi in the first place!! I didn't give in only because I was broke and don't have spare change to dump on a png for a game I don't even like playing!! Regrettably Ibaraki is mobage-only so I wouldn't be able to see her via other mediums in the TYPE MOON series. Despite this I am completely infatuated with her. Initially I liked her out of pity due to her significantly more popular oni counterpart Shuten Douji taking most of the spotlight in fanworks, however Ibaraki has quickly charmed me with her boisterous and haughty personality compromising for her deep rooted insecurity and childhood trauma. She's also significantly more modest than Shuten and is dressed much nicer than her!
Although Ibaraki is deeply devoted to her sworn sibling, Shuten Douji—going so far as to make her Holy Grail wish "to see Shuten's smiling face, one without worry, sorrow, or hesitation," which she calls the source of her everything, chasing after Shuten is akin to catching a force of nature built of hedonist desire, which is to say: absolutely futile.
I wont stop her from pining after Shuten's approval, they are sworn siblings after all, and a lot of pivotal events in lore occurred because of the lengths Ibaraki is willing to endure for her devotion towards Shuten. I think I would position my role as a trusty lackey that is present and serves Ibaraki's needs alone. I want to serve her, praise her, and feed her sweets that make her smile!!!!!!!
Ahhh..... Banana oni is best girl. Banana oni is life.
Justice from Helltaker:
She is sooooo cute and her glossed over eyes add an aura of mystique to her otherwise lax and carefree personality. I have zero intention on playing the games, however the bonus post-canon comics made by the game's artist are incredibly cute and I am very normal about her police costume.
Justice is so awesome........
Pearl from Splatoon 2:
I don't even go here, and I still don't after having misplaced my switch, but I was in the frontlines of the Pearl defense force DAY ONE when Splatoon 2 rolled out and the new idol designs were released. I don't care!! She is perfect to me, fucked up big ass forehead and all!!!! Although I used to hold a bit of a grudge against Marina because of the backlash Pearl got in comparison to her more conventionally attractive bandmate, I've gotten around to liking her as well and even finding her pretty cute;;;; but I'll always have a preference to Pearl and her quirky energetic personality.
Tartaglia from Genshit Fartpact:
I don't even want to get into it. Just watch this instead.
Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry™ series:
I want to fuck him. I want to see him get fucked. And I especially want to fuck Dante with a pussy. And boobs.
ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THEM CAN GET IT. I WANT TO BANG DANTE. I WANT TO BANG ALL THE DANTES. SEXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Vash the Stampede from Trigun:
This one, yes. He was the. He was the slut. I would probably be some guy in the background watching him get passed around like a beer bottle. Maybe I'll toss a donut his way as he recoups himself before he gets tossed back to the mobs. I don't know anything about trigun at the moment but I know he's a buttslut. I feel it in my bones. He is one, trust me. Ughhhh he is so so so so so so so moe. I really really need to get into the manga. The anime (not including the reboot) seems to have positive reception.. except for the movie which I heard made him a bit of a sleazy pervert. But in my sicko lenses? He will be corrected. He will be fucking corrected. And also he's drawn insanely moe in that adaptation. If the plot is dogshit it wouldn't even matter because I would get through purely from his moe charm.
There's definitely a couple of characters that didn't make the list— either because I forgot at the time of writing, I'm too embarrassed to bring them up, or I don't have much to say about them beyond "They are hot" and "I want to have fuck with they", but overall I'm rather content with this list! Ahhh I hope to get around to creating my dedicated dream page soon.....
Nono ✦
0 Comments
No comments yet. Be the first to comment!